judys care giver blog

Dementia Videos with Judy

Friday was a much easier day. After 22 hours of “A day in the life of Judy” we all had a chance to get some well deserved rest. Mom finally fell asleep around midnight and did not get out of bed until 3:00pm the next day. I checked on her from time to time and made sure she had fluids. But for most of the day she slept. As much as this may sound selfish on my part I was happy to let her sleep. I ran some unavoidable errands but then became a couch potato renting movies and ordering pizza for dinner.

As for the promise to show the video, It was something I had to think about actually doing. After a long  debate of conscience and a short conversation with my husband I decided I would put them up. But is was not an easy decision to make.

At this point most of my readers are family. My mother’s brothers, her aunt, my sister, and my mother and father in law. For the longest time I have tried to shelter them from the worst of it; Usually telling everyone that everything is fine. We have a routine and most days are nothing like Thursday. So it is just easier for me to keep everyone from worrying or even worse, feeling sorry for us. However when I started this blog I had a purpose. Part of which was to show the good and the bad when it came to dementia. I guess I feel that I would be doing a disservice if I left that part out just because I was uncomfortable with it.

Please remember when you watch them that there are hundreds of thousands of people with this disease and even more caregivers living with this disease.

If you are new to “dementia” or feel the need to know more, please check out some of are links and other blogs posted on the sidebars of this page to find out more about Alzheimer’s and Dementia.

Judys video

Here we go again part II

Ok so its a little after 10pm and mom is still going strong. at this point the day has been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. I can usually just go with the ride but it"s different when I have to deal with the whole family at once. it"s never easy is it? Well we will have to get to them later.

Judy has mellowed a bit but we have had our moments,including everything from trying to leave out the dining room window to pacing because our Guest had not arrived. Guest that were apparently coming for a meeting on the support of our troupes in Saudi Arabia. Look I couldn't make this up if I tried. There was also a small confrontation with her granddaughter, followed by the realization that Walter Cronkite had passed away.

I have a few videos that I tried to take today so when I have a moment I will post them. they are not happy moments. they are however the best way to show the reality of the day. and the fact that these things really do happen.

The point of this is not to make Judy or the rest of my family look ridiculous. it is however a chance to let people know that no matter how hard it gets you can get threw it. just remember that because of Judy's dementia she is not seeing the world the way we do. and that all we can do is try to see it with her and not against her. judy is on the move again so I have to go for now but I will have more as soon as I can. 

Here we go again. Part I

It’s that time again. The time when Judy seems to turn on. You see most of the time mom is almost lethargic, sleeping about 16 hours a day. We try to keep her on a schedule but sometimes there’s no getting her out of bed. It’s like she powers down for months at a time and then out of the blue she reboots. ( sorry for the computer analogy but its the best way to describe the situation) This power burst can last for up to 72 hours. So I am grateful for the good night sleep I got last night.

 I am usually a night owl. However last night I managed to go to bed early for a change. I was sleeping well. that is until 5:30 this mourning when my husband woke me to let me know that mom was up, and I knew I was in for a long day. By 8:30 am my mom and I had cleaned the kitchen and moped the floor. By 10:30 we had gone threw the motions of looking for a car that she no longer owns then giving her opinion on everything the girls from the view had to say. next we played hide the purse and shoes so mom had nothing to take with her when she “decided” it was time to leave. In between all of this I had to apologies to several strangers when my mother attempted to call my sister without knowing the phone number.

It is now 11:33am and I have finally talked Judy into taking a nap, even though I know this is a sad attempt to take a break because it wont last long. She will just lay in bed for a while without falling asleep. I would usually take this time to rest myself but with the before mentioned good night sleep plus the two cups of coffee this mourning I will just have to wait it out. I'm sure this story will be longer than usual so I will post it in sections. More to come. Stay tuned

6 or 60 My Age Old Question

It’s been said that age is a mind set; that you are only as old as you feel. Well, with Judy that takes on an entirely new meaning. On any given day my mother’s mind can be 6 to 60 years old, and that makes for a fine line between mother and child.

On one occasion my mother threw a temper tantrum because I wouldn’t let her go outside to ride her bike: “Mom you don’t have a bike”, “Yes I do and you wont let me ride it.” “ I’m sorry but I don’t know what your talking about mom.” “My bike, I got it for my birthday and I want to ride it.” This conversation went on for a few minutes before my mother threw up her hands and yelled in her highest pitch “I hate you. You never let me do anything.”

Judy’s actions, speech and temperament reminded me of my children when they were little. And I believe that in her head she was a kid again.

Taking care of Judy is a full time job. The feedings, bathing, dressings, keeping her safe, making sure she is comfortable, dealing with tantrums, keeping, her from climbing out a window, ect. It is just like having another child except for one tiny little itty bitty difference. Judy is not a child. She is a 60 year old woman. She has lived her life. She managed to live through so much; A husband in the navy gone six months out of every year, two teenage daughters, ovarian cancer, skin cancer and breast cancer. I mean come on…The woman had a massive heart attach and survived. She deserves nothing but respect and admiration. Yet I have moments when I find myself treating her like a baby.

I have become my mother’s mother. So you can see how it can be a bit perplexed. Sometimes she even calls me mom. You know all the role reversal movies like freaky Friday and 17again. Hollywood makes it look so cool but in real life it sucks. It breaks my heart every time I have to say no to my mother. ‘No we cant go out right now’, ‘No you cant drive the car’, ‘No you cant say that to your grandchildren’. All the while I am still a 38 year old housewife just trying to keep my family together, my mom safe, and, my sanity intact.

So back to the fine line. When it comes down to it I still listen to my mother. So when she wants to have a conversation with me on an adult level I sit down and we talk. When she is in the middle of a tantrum I tell her no and try to explain that that’s not how we do things and when she is confused and scared I hug her and say its ok, I’m not going anywhere.

So on any day at any given time Judy can be 6 16 or 60. The hard part is figuring out what age she’s at and then trying to keep up. I just want to make sure that no matter what age she’s at we are all able to get through it with her so she is not alone.