judys care giver blog

Fashion for Judy

Walk into any department store and you are bombarded with the flashy and up to date fashions for young people desperately trying to stay in tune with the latest's style. When I am shopping for my daughter I can deal with it, but today I just need to find a pair of pants for Judy. Let me tell you it is not easy to buy cloths for a 60 year old woman with a 23 inch waist.

Now I have seen some slim grandmothers who were fabulously put together. But for the life of me I cant figure out where they shop. Maybe they have everything custom made, or taken in. It would be nice but we just don't have the money for that.  

There are two problems when in comes to dressing Judy. The first is that when I find anything that she might like or that may be age appropriate it is a size 8 or larger. The second is when I do find something that comes close to fitting her It usually has the words low rise or boot cut attached to the tag. The last time my mother wore either, I was 3 years old. So In desperation I went where I never thought I would go again: The children's department.

It’s actually the Tweens department if it must be labled; and it was my best bet. Somewhere between the Hannah Montana T-shirts and the Sponge Bob pajamas I found a pair of sweat pants that just might fit my mother. Red with a white stripe down the leg. It wasn't a.n.a or Liz and co, but they could work. Well to my joy and amazement, mixed in with a little sadness and disbelief, these pants made for a 5th grader fit Judy to a tee. So unless anyone has a better idea we will be shopping in the girls section for a while.

It amazes me how I still find a way to make things work no matter how ridiculous they seem.

Better TV. Aging Parents

Missing Mommy

I have these moments every now and then. A few seconds where I see my mother how she was before. A smile. A look. A comment. It still amazes me how something so simple can take me to such a vivid memory. These moments should be treasured. these memories should be enjoyed, but I can’t seem to let myself see them in that light. For me it is just a reminder that the woman who raised me, cared for me, put up with me, and loved me, is not really here anymore. I am saddened that she is right there in front of me and and I can't get to her. Even as I put this in writing, I feel a deep struggle to keep it together.

I miss calling my mother for advice. I miss seeing her play with her grandchildren. I miss her laugh. I miss that she always had the right thing to say, and I miss her telling me that I screwed up.

I know it’s silly for a 38 year old woman to want her mommy but I cant help it. she was a young vibrant person who led a simple life. she was good and kind and never had an ill will toward anyone. My mother didn't deserve this. If I could, I would wake up tomorrow and this would all be a bad dream.

But I’m a smart girl and I know that this will never happen. I know that bad things happen to good people. I know that good thing happen to bad people. Does it make sense? No. Does it make me feel better? No. It's bullshit, but it is what it is.

So when I am in the midst of these moments I take it in for as long as I can ( witch is usually only a few seconds).Then I pull myself together and focus on the positive. My mother is alive, she is still in our lives, and she will be here to see her newest granddaughter who will be bourn in a few weeks. These are the thing I look forward to, and that is what keeps me going.

Tools of the trade

When my children were little, like all mothers, I carried everything with me. A diaper bag full of bottles, diapers, wipes, baby food, and pacifiers, lots of pacifiers.  If I knew I might need it, it went with me. I was so happy when I could retire that extra baggage.

 Now that I take care of my mother, I have a few new bags. There's the one I take every where we go; I call it the ICE bag ( IN Case of Eemergency). My bag of tricks to keep my mom from getting restless or agitated, then there are the bags under my eyes. But the one I use the most is my “tool bag”. You know, the one that keeps me sane. It's full of all the lessons I have learned. All the new was to stay prepared for anything and all the information I can consume about dementia.

Today my new bags are a little heavier then I thought they would be but some of the same things apply. Instead off a stroller I have a wheel chair and instead of child safety locks I have bolts, and buzzers. Below are a few tools that I cant live without:

 

Water: This is the number one thing I have with me anytime we go anywhere. We live in an area that can get over 100 degrees in the summer so hydration is very important.

A sweater: No matter how hot it gets around here, Judy is always cold, and on more than one occasion I have been out and about without a sweater. So now I actually stash two or three sweaters, jackets, and sweatshirts in my car.

Snacks, snacks, snacks: Judy has lost a lot of weight due to her illness but because she has stayed at the same weight for almost two years the doctors are not concerned about it (yet). I, on the other hand, am always worried about her weight. So I make sure I have little things she can reach on her own available at all times. We have a basket on the kitchen counter filled with granola bars, chips, crackers, and cookies; this way mom can have a snack anytime she wants.

The alarm system: We had an alarm system installed about 6 months ago after Judy crawled out of her bedroom window and took off down the street. It took a while for the three people in the house to notice she was gone (about 30 minutes I think).That is the type of guilt I never want to feel again. Now if I am upstairs without her for any reason I can hear a door or window open.  If I can just remember to turn it off before I let the dogs out in the morning I can keep the guards at bay.

The baby monitor: This drives me crazy because I have to hear everything going on downstairs so I only use it when I have to. Those impromptu times when you have to be out of the room. You know, bathroom breaks and stuff.

Patience: Truly a virtue. There are times, many, many times when I forget this one. Then I take a deep breath and realize I can't be a caregiver without it.

So my bag feels full. Even though I know, like all purses, there is a place I can put one or two more things. So if you have any input, or a tool that you use yourself, I would love to hear about it. Leave me a comment with your advice and you may see it in a new post.

My name is Lisa

This simple but effective short film from Shelton films

won 3^rd place in the youtube project: Direct 2007

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiRHyzjb5SI