judys care giver blog

the good days

Ahhhhh.

What a nice quiet weekend. Every once in a while, on a rare occasion we have a few days in a row where everything just goes slow and easy and dare I say it … relaxing. This was one of those weekends. Friday night was not very quiet but still a stress reliever. The kids were out with friends and Todd had to work so I invited a few girlfriends to the house for cocktails. We even got Judy to dance it out with us for about a minute before she took off to bed. It's so nice to have friends over when you know you can't get out of the house.

On Saturday my husband stayed home with mom so I could go out with Ivette for her birthday. Kim and I took her to the nail salon for “mani petties” and then to lunch. Let me just say that I am willing and able to spend all day in a spa but an hour with the girls getting my nails done is a luxury these days.

 Then there was Sunday. What a perfect lazy day. Mom and I had breakfast and read the paper. Well, we looked at the adds but it was still nice. Then we just sat on the couch watching movies and TLC all day. I am so grateful for days like this and I have to say that even though I don't acknowledge it all the time I am so appreciative for these little movements and for all I have in my life. just felt the needed to throw that in.

 Monday will be a full and a busy day even though it’s a holiday. We plan on taking the family out to run errands, have lunch and go to a movie. So as much as I don’t want to jinks it, I am really hoping for another easy day. One can hope rite?

Wishing everyone a happy relaxing memorial day and I hope we all take a moment to remember why we have this day off and to spend it with the people we love.

NOT A MARTYR

    I have had some time recently to sit down and actually read my own post and I have come to a conclusion. If I were someone visiting a site like this, I might assume that the writer was very sad or even trying to be a martyr. Let me say that neither is the case. I am actually a very happy person.

     I get out of the house and leave my troubles behind every chance I get. I laugh because I see the funny things in life and I enjoy the time I have with friends and family. I see my mother’s dementia as a part of her life and do the best to take care of her, however, I can’t let this illness be all  there is and I won’t let it take away any happiness for myself my, family or my mother.

 

    Being a caregiver is time consuming. Its stressful, and sad, and tiring and sometimes overwhelming. So If I let myself, I can get very angry or depressed. Truth is; in the beginning that was all I was. Very mad and very sad. However I have come to a realization through all of this. that this is a part of my life but it is not my whole life.  

 

I will continue to write what my mother is going through and how my family and I are dealing with it, but I will try to throw in some of how I get away from it too. Because yes, being a caregiver is a job that you have to love, but getting away from it when you can is also a way to love yourself. You don’t have to be a martyr to be a caregiver; you just have to be a human being with a heart. and you have to be able to share that love.

judys home

Mom is home from the hospital. The doctors ran every test on her and still could not find a cause for her fainting. This is the third time I have had to take her to the E.R. for passing out and they never find a cause. My “unprofessional opinion” is that Judy’s body just shuts down when she is overwhelmed or her brain gets tired. Either way it’s a problem we will have to keep an eye on.

 

While my mother was in the hospital the nurses got a glimpse of my world. I received a call Friday morning from Emily, Judy’s floor nurse.  Apparently Judy had decided around four am that she didn’t need to be there any more. So she got herself dressed and tried to leave several times. My sister and I got there about ten AM. There she was in the hall with three nurses trying to coax her back to bed. You could hear one big sigh of relief from all of them when we showed up. I was asked to stay with mom for the rest of the day. I think I deserve a paycheck for doing there job for them.

We were finally discharged around six PM Friday evening. partly because they couldn’t find anything, but the main reason was insurance only covers three days of observation. (After that its $1200.00 a day out of pocket.)  

So now it’s back to our usual routine. I will be making several  Dr. App. over the next few days and will give updates when I can. I want to say thank you to Kim for keeping me from yelling at the doctors, and to everyone who showed there support. It means a lot. Have a great day.

Judy is Staying Overnight at Saint Rose Hospital for Obsevation

    Today started out as a normal day around here. (As normal as can be.)  Mom seemed to be in good spirits. I needed to go to the grocery store and I was dropping the kids off at a show that they had planned to see all week. My husband also had plans. Now I don’t usually take my mother to run errands because it can be straining on her. as I said, she was having a good day and I had no one to stay with her. So I took her with me. 

 I remember thinking as we got to checkout how well she had been doing and that we made it. Not a millisecond after my thought did my mother take a turn for the worst. Her skin turn pale and lips blue. Now we have gone through this before so I knew what would happen next. I grabbed my mother and headed for a chair at the star bucks but we didn’t make it that far. I held tight to my mother as she went limp and I carefully positioned her on the floor. I looked into her eyes checked her breathing and her pulse and asked someone to call paramedics. My mother was ok only a few seconds later; Wide awake and wanting to get up off the floor, but I had the paramedics take her to the hospital to have her checked out just in case.

       To you I might sound very nonchalant about the whole thing, but like I said we have gone through this before. The first time I shook so bad I couldn’t fill out the insurance forms. The next time I cried myself to sleep wondering why this was happening to my mother and if it could somehow be my fault. I take my mother's sickness very seriously but I also know that when these things happen I can’t fall apart right away. All I can do is be there for her, tell the doctors what I know and listen to what they have to say.

    So tonight she is resting at Saint Rose; well, trying to while the nurses poke and prod every hour or so. Tomorrow I will be there to bring her home with what I expect will be a hopeful and helpful diagnosis and as for me, I will finish this letter, publish it and then I will probably find a quiet place to sob before I go to bed.

mothers day for judy

I would first like to say that I hope all you moms out there had a great mother’s day. Judy and I had a very relaxing day.

 

It’s not easy to buy a mothers day gift for my mom. Flowers will soon be gone and cards don’t really make much sense. So we decided lunch out with the family was the best bet. Judy doesn’t eat very much at home (it’s probably my cooking) but when we go out she usually finishes everything on her plate. (Ok so it is my cooking) Anyway, it’s always a plus because we have concerns about her weight. She is only 95 lbs. so when I can get her to eat a lot of calories it’s a good day. We spent the rest of our special day lying around watching TV and napping off and on.

 

 No big presents from the kids, like a spa day or trip to Fiji, lol, but I did get lots of hugs from Jake. And KT wrote an amazing note on my blog that made me tear up a bit. Ok I cried like a baby. A day to my self is always nice but spending time with my family on a day that is supposed to be “mine” just makes it that much better. After all, I wouldn’t have a mother’s day without first having my kids. So it’s really there day too.