The pressures on a family member taking care of their own parents can be overwhelming. A long term caregiver trying to do the job unpaid and on there own will typically try to find full time care in a hospice or a nursing home within 5 years from the time they move there elderly parent in with them.
This is something I wrestle with on a day to day basis. I have been taking care of Judy for four years now and it is draining me. I know that I am doing all I can for my mother but I worry that my family is dealing with the stress that they shouldn’t have to take on. Sometimes I think that I can’t do this for the rest of my life, but in my heart, I don’t believe that any company or health-care facility will do her justice. I don’t really trust 'the system'.
The caregivers of my generation (late 30S's to mid 50S's) could spend more time taking care of there aging parents than raising their own children. This can take its toll. We as caregivers will struggle with guilt, anger, loneliness, frustration and fatigue. We are assessable to anxiety and depression. And we have a shorter life expectancy then those who are not full time caregivers. As bleak as all this sounds it doesn’t have to be so bad. There are a few steps you can take to make sure your life and your health stay on an even keel, and still keep your parents as happy and as healthy as humanly possible.
- Take care of yourself. As a woman and a mother I know that this mantra can sometimes sound like nails on a chalkboard, but it is the best advice I can give. I never used to make appointments for myself. Now when I call to make a dentist appointment for my mom, I make one for myself. I do the same with her Dr. Appointments. If it is time for my yearly physical I set it up right after I set up hers.
- Get out of the house. Do not give up your entire lifestyle to take care of anyone. Stick with your hobbies. Go to dinner or a movie. Join a gym. Make time to spend with your family and friends. Down time will rejuvenate you and can sometimes give you a new outlook on the situation.
- Let others in. For you and your parent. Friend’s neighbors and other family members are often willing to help but you have to ask. Most of the people I know are not mind readers. If you tell them you are fine they will let it go even if they don’t believe you. So ask for help. Also look into services in your community. Find out who is available in your area that can assist you. Adult day care, home care services, meals-on-wheels, elder transportation, and respite care are out there. There are also many resources online.
- Learn to deal with stress. This is probably the hardest one for me. Keep a positive attitude and believe in yourself. Learn to breath. Learn to relax, and learn to laugh when you want to cry. And when you have to cry do it. Find a quiet place and let it out. Accept that there are events you cannot control. Then move on.
I have said it a thousand times. “This is not easy” but it does not have to be the end of the world. Taking care of yourself will ultimately take care of your mom or dad. And after all , isn't that’s the point.



